Personal Information
1. What is your
name?
2. What is your
name in English?
3. What fake
name do you use when you call about maintenance on my computer?
4. What country
are you coming from?
5. Why are you
coming here?
6. Are you a
terrorist?
7. If no, why
not?
8. If yes, why
are you admitting it? Are you an idiot?
9. Are you actually
a Syrian or Pakistani who moved to Switzerland and became a Presbyterian to try
and confuse us?
10. If not, why
didn’t YOU think of that? Are you an idiot?
11. How long do
you plan to stay? Do you plan to live here forever, raise a family and join the
Lions Club or will you only be here long enough to hijack an airplane or build
a bomb in a pressure cooker?
12. Is your life
insurance policy paid up? Have you tried Geico?
13. Do you wear
vests a lot?
14. Can you even
name 27 virgins?
15. Is it Al-Qaida
or Al-Qaeda? It’s so confusing.
American Values Section
1. Have you
read our Constitution? If so, why? Most of us haven’t.
2. Do you
believe that the 1st and 14th Amendments are unconstitutional?
3. Are you
coming here to exercise your 2nd Amendment rights? If yes, WELCOME TO AMERICA!
4. Are you
lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender?
5. Would you
like to be?
6. Have you met
President Obama, the founder of ISIS?
7. Do you
believe in rock and roll? Can music save your mortal soul?
8. And can you
teach me how to dance real slow?
9. Do you
believe in Sharia Law?
10. L.A. Law?
11. Murphy’s Law?
12. The law of
supply and demand?
13. Have you ever
fought the law? Did the law win?
14. What color is
the Statue of Liberty?
15. What color is
the Statute of Limitations?
16. Who is the
Secretary of Agriculture? (Don’t worry. Nobody knows the answer to this one.)
17. Who won the
1927 World Series?
18. Boxers or
briefs?
19. If a train
leaves Chicago traveling east at 25 miles per hour and a bus leaves Hoboken
traveling west at 50 m.p.h., what time is it in Kansas City, Kansas?
20. Did you even
know there WAS a Kansas City, Kansas?
21. No? A-ha! We
gotcha!
22. Recite a
Bible verse. Now do it in Arabic.
23. Skip this
question.
24. Why did you
skip Number 23?
25. Do you always
do what you’re told?
26. Who IS the
sharpest knife in the drawer?
27. Who put the
bomp in the bomp-she-bomp-she-bomp?
28. Name all of
the white people whose faces are on our money. (Quick, before that black woman
gets on there.)
29. What did we
forget?
30. Write a short
essay. We don't care what it's about...and neither should you.
Bonus Question
If you could vote, would you vote for Crooked Hillary
Clinton or Handsome, Successful Billionaire TV Star Donald Trump?
If you said Trump, come on in and help make America great
again.
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