Donald Trump Anti-Immigrant Extreme Vetting Questionnaire v. 2.0

Personal Information

1. What is your name?

2. In English, Mohammed. What is your name in English?

3. What country are you coming from?

4. Are you a terrorist?

5. If no, why not?

6. If yes, why are you admitting it? Are you an idiot?

7. Before you came here, did you move to Switzerland for a while and become a Presbyterian to try and confuse us?

8. If not, why didn’t you think of that? Are you an idiot?

9. How long do you plan to stay? Do you plan to live here forever, raise a family and join the Lions Club or will you only be here long enough to hijack an airplane or build a bomb in a pressure cooker?

10. Do you wear vests a lot?

American Values Section

1. Have you read our Constitution? If so, why? Most of us haven’t.

2. Do you believe in Sharia Law?

3. L.A. Law? 

4. Murphy’s Law?

5. The law of supply and demand?

6. Have you ever fought the law? Did the law win?

7. Do you believe in rock and roll and can music save your mortal soul?

8. And can you teach me how to dance real slow?

9. Who won the 1927 World Series?

10. Boxers or briefs?

11. Recite a Bible verse. Now do it in Arabic. A-ha! Caught you!

12. Who put the bomp in the bomp-she-bomp-she-bomp?

13. Name all of the white people on our money. (Quick, before that black woman gets on there.)

14. Where were you during the Bowling Green Massacre?

15. Are you coming here to exercise your 2nd Amendment rights? If yes, welcome to America, bro-heem!

BONUS QUESTION: Who would you have illegally voted for between Fabulously Wealthy and Handsome Donald Trump or Crooked Old Sickly Liar Hillary Clinton?

If you answered “Trump,” come on in and help make America great again.

If you answered “Clinton,” get your immigrant ass back on the boat and GTFO. We don’t need your kind ‘round here, no way, no how.