Wednesday, January 18, 2017

If Trump can claim all new jobs, Obama should get credit for decline in blimp accidents

To avoid being swept up in a Donald Trump Twitter storm, companies are preemptively (or retroactively) announcing U.S. job creation plans. They’re afraid that Trump will include their name in a negative tweet, spawning a public relations crisis and forcing their stock price into the toilet.

Seriously, friends, is extortion the best way to “make America great again?”

Just recently, Trump went after Toyota and Ford for making cars in Mexico, GM for not being American enough, Boeing and Lockheed for the cost of airplanes and drug companies for high prices. In virtually every case, the company’s stock price dropped like an anvil off the roof, costing the company millions or billions in market value.

That’s why companies are coming out of the woodwork now to announce positive jobs news to ward off a Twitter attack, and Trump is taking credit for all of it. The problem is, most of these announcements were originally made months or years ago.

For example:

* GM is promising 1,500 jobs, an announcement that actually dates back to 2014.

* Walmart is throwing in 10,000 jobs, but wait…this is standard yearly procedure for a company that also announced it has closed 269 under-performing stores and cut thousands of jobs.

* Hyundai vaguely promises “thousands” and Bayer said it would keep 9,000 jobs and add 3,000, but only if the government approves its merger with Monsanto.

* Sprint's 50,000 jobs were part of a previously announced commitment by its parent company to expand business in the U.S. It was not a deal made with Trump.

It’s not exactly “fake news,” as Trump likes to say, but neither is it the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. These announcements would never stand up in court.

It makes me think that President Obama should take to Twitter during his final two days in office and take credit for things that happened during his administration that he had nothing to do with. Here are some suggestions:

“World War II is still over thanks to my generals. Proof that our policies worked.”

“No outbreaks of polio since Obama elected. Record numbers cured.”

“Alaska and Hawaii excel as states, thanks to my decision to let them stay.”

“Population hits all-time high because of birth of new babies.”

“Sam’s Garage in Bugknuckle, Ark. adds second mechanic. Area’s jobs growth soaring.”

“Rate of horrific dirigible disasters in New Jersey drops dramatically.”

 “Sinking of the Titanic a thing of the past thanks to melting polar icebergs.”

“Cubs finally win World Series, thank Obama for being from Chicago.”

“After 8 years, sky is still blue and water is still wet.”

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