For some people, the line is always busy

I live in a small town in West Virginia, population around 19,000. It’s not New York or Washington. It’s not even Peoria or Pocatello or Kalamazoo. We had a large glass factory once but it closed in 1982, and several coal mines have also closed. As far as commerce is concerned, Walmart is the big attraction.

In other words, there’s not a whole lot going on here day to day, so it makes me wonder: Why are people always talking on the phone?

It’s against the law in West Virginia to talk or text on a mobile phone while driving a car, although hands-free devices are allowed. It became a primary offense in 2013, meaning cops can pull you over for doing it and give you a ticket. Before that, they could only cite you if you were caught while doing something else, like driving your car into a tree or over a cliff.

Yesterday afternoon, I was almost run over in the Walmart parking lot by a woman driving a car, backing blindly out of a parking space and talking on the phone. After she almost hit me, she smiled, mouthed the word “sorry” and kept right on talking as she drove away.

BREAKING NEWS: People are not obeying this law.

Before this new law took effect, I used to walk three miles a day. Sometimes I’d play a little game. I’d count 20 cars driving past me me on the street and mentally record how many of the drivers were talking on the phone. Want to guess what I observed?

(Waiting…)

I observed that approximately one of every five drivers who passed me on the street was talking on a mobile phone. That’s 20% or four of every 20. It didn’t matter what time of day I took my walk. This was happening in the morning, afternoon and evening, weekdays and weekends all the same, on Main Street and in residential neighborhoods.

Once, while walking along in broad daylight on a sunny day, I had to jump into my neighbor’s yard to avoid being hit from behind by a woman in a white SUV who was so busy talking on the phone she didn’t even see me. Never did.

So again I wonder: Who is everybody talking to?

I know that some people have jobs where 8 or 10 hours aren’t enough to complete a day’s work so it carries over into drive time going to and from the office. My boss used to really piss me off because he’d call me almost every day while I was driving home and expect me to take notes. I’d have to pull over when I could, or hang up and call him back.

That still doesn’t explain why some people seem compelled to do it all… day… long. Nobody works that many hours – especially not in this town, where a lot of people don’t even have jobs any more.

I’ll be in the supermarket and half of the people in there are on the phone the whole time they’re shopping. I’ll be outside in the yard and hear someone talking, look up and it’s the mail carrier who talks constantly while delivering the mail. He’ll hand me my bills, nod, and keep on talking. 

Are other people’s lives so interesting that they have to call somebody at all times from wherever they are and talk about it all day? Do they have that many friends? I have friends, too, but I don’t call any of them every day, and never from the supermarket. Or maybe there’s something going on that I should know about and I’m the only one who didn’t get the memo.

If you know something, please pass it on.

My family and I witnessed a bad accident on the interstate a couple of summers ago. We were about one car removed from being involved, and I had to hit the brakes and pull off the road quickly to keep from hitting one of the cars. Had I been talking on a cell phone at the time, I'm not sure I could have avoided the wreck.

I know I’m getting old and technology is starting to kick my ass, but I do carry my iPhone with me everywhere I go. I have Twitter and Facebook and some other apps. I send and receive text messages and play games waiting for doctor’s appointments. I’ve even been known to call my wife from the supermarket to ask a question about the shopping list.

But I won’t do it while driving and I firmly believe that mobile phones should be wired so they won’t work from the driver’s side of a moving vehicle. I also want to know who thought it was a good idea to put video screens in cars. Even if the driver can’t see them, it has to be a distraction.

When I was a little kid, according to my parents, I rode all the way to Florida standing up behind the front seat repeating “how many more miles to Flow-dee?” over and over again. If I can make it to Florida without watching “Moana” or “Finding Dory,” other people’s children can do it too.

That's all I have today. I'm hanging up now. Good-bye.