That day when your e-book reader no longer fits in your pocket

On Christmas Day 2011, I opened two gifts from my wife. One was a first generation Kindle – the little gray electronic book reader that allows you to magically carry around hundreds of books wherever you go. It’s only 4 1/2 inches wide and will fit in your front pants pocket. Using my Amazon Kindle device, I can browse, borrow or buy and download one of several million electronic e-books, plus newspapers, magazines and other digital media through a wireless connection to Amazon’s Kindle store.

So far, I have bought 317 books. I have read most of them, and the others, well, let’s say I read far enough to know it was time to stop. Most e-books cost anywhere from 99 cents to $15 or more. Some of them were actually free, but even at that price weren’t worth the time it took to download them. I mean, hey, you can’t win ‘em all.

The other gift I got that year was a first generation Kindle Fire, which took the device to a whole new level of audio and video possibilities. With the Fire, I can still read my books, but I can also download a Netflix app and watch movies and TV shows on a 7-inch screen that I can hold in one hand. I can get apps for TV networks; visit news, sports and weather sites; download internet music; and play all kinds of games. I can sit in a doctor’s office and play Yahtzee or Hearts while waiting to be called, or read Facebook and Twitter posts, among other things.

“I didn’t know which one to get you,” my wife confessed that Christmas morning six years ago, “so I bought them both.”

It’s good that she did, as it turns out, because the Kindle Fire with its glass face is impossible to view in the sunlight. When I look at it on a sunny day, all I see is me looking down at me. The original Kindle, meanwhile, has a matte finish on its face that is sunshine friendly, so I use it to read outside if reading is all I want to do.

Both devices are rechargeable, but I discovered after a couple of years that the recharging cable for the Fire no longer fits snugly into the port, so it’s very difficult to recharge. You have to jiggle it around and get it aligned just right or it won’t charge at all. It reminds me of the old days when we had to manipulate the rabbit ears on our TV set to get the Pittsburgh channels. For that reason, I bought a new Fire tablet last year. (It’s called Amazon Fire now. They’ve dropped the Kindle name entirely, although I’m not sure why.)

Anyway, moving right along, when I opened Christmas gifts from my wife this year, I got another surprise. What to my wondering eyes should appear but another new Amazon Fire – this one being the next generation of the device with a 10-inch screen that streams movies and TV shows in glorious HD and has stereo sound so good that when I’m watching a show, I think people are talking in the next room…but it’s only the background voices coming from the Fire.

This one is really what I’d call a tablet. It’s not quite as large as an iPad but the screen is three inches larger than the old Fire. It’s almost like carrying a small TV set around and I can no longer operate it with one hand. It has new features, too, including 2 GB RAM, Dolby Audio, 10-hour battery life and something called “hands-free Alexa.” (Given today’s environment of sexual misconduct, I’m not touching that one with, well, I’m just not touching it.) There’s other stuff that I haven’t figured out yet...and it no longer fits in my pants pocket.

So now I have four “Kindle-type” devices in varying colors and sizes and, of course, they all have slightly different charging cords (I mean, why should I expect Amazon to make things easy for me?) I like the new one a lot, which confirms my wife’s theory that I didn’t know I needed it until I got it. Like the microwave oven, the digital camera and the smart phone, I suppose.

The Fire Family

Odds and ends in the week before Christmas

Fairmont bridgework

My wife and I took our dog for a car ride last night to see the Christmas lights around town. Lucy seemed suitably impressed, at least for a dog. While we were out, we decided to cross the new Third Street Bridge that just opened this week, and honestly, I haven’t seen so many “S” curves since the last time I wrote my initials.

It reminded me of that old kids’ song. You know the one. “Did you ever see a lassie go this way and that way? Did you ever see a lassie go this way and that?”

For those of you not from Fairmont, we used to have a bridge on Fourth Street that connected our two major north-south streets – Fairmont and Locust avenues. It was pretty straight for the most part from start to finish. Unfortunately, large pieces of it started falling off and it was torn down a few years ago.

To replace it, the city built this new bridge a block northward on Third Street. The idea was to link the new connector road from I-79 into town with the existing Third Street Bridge to give people a “straight shot” from the interstate to Fairmont State University. That would be a straight shot if any part of it was anything close to straight, but even the original Third Street Bridge has a big sweeping curve in it.

The new bridge also forced the relocation of a number of residents whose houses were torn down to make room for this curve and that curve and…well, you get the idea…and it remains to be seen how many people actually use the bridge, considering it has been years since they closed Fourth Street and civilization as we know it did not come to an end.  

It also begs this question: If the Fourth Street Bridge was straight (it was) and adequately connected the two sides of town for decades (it did), why didn’t they just replace it with a new bridge? No houses would have been torn down and no people would have been displaced, and I’m sure it would have cost less since the roads tying the bridge into other streets were already in place.

Oh, sure, coming in from Third Street you would have to turn left and then right to get to Fourth, but that’s no different from what you have to do anyway, what with the “S” curve to the left and the “S” curve to the right on the new road.

So let’s recap. If you’re traveling from I-79 to Fairmont State University, you get off the interstate and drive down the connector road, which, by the way, has two “roundabouts” you have to drive around, then turn left to access the old Third Street Bridge, which swings you back around to the right before you cross over Fairmont Avenue to access the new Third Street Bridge, which features a giant “S” curve before it finally finds its way to Locust Avenue, where you still must turn left one more time and drive a mile or so further to complete your “straight shot” into Fairmont State.

It that clear? There will be a quiz on this on Friday.

Finally, as my wife pointed out last night, there are now two bridges on Third Street in Fairmont, so if someone offers to meet you at noon on the Third Street Bridge, you’ll have to ask, “Which one?” I’m guessing that before long, someone will nickname the new bridge “The Long and Winding Road.” Oh, wait…I already have.

Tax scam 2017

I don’t have much to say about the massive tax scam the Republican Party just pulled that hasn’t already been said. I just have a few thoughts:

* It saddens me to know that at least 218 representatives and 51 senators can so blatantly disregard the will of their constituents – not to mention facts, evidence to the contrary and all logic – to support an agenda pushed by wealthy donors simply so they can get themselves re-elected.

* Pundits are saying the Republicans are in trouble for 2018 because of this bill, but I’m not so sure. With gerrymandering and voter suppression and foreign influence and big donor money (now assured) and Fox News conspiracy theories and all of the lies spewing out of Washington, a lot can happen between now and next November. I’m not counting any chickens…or eggs, for that matter.

* Susan Collins got played and she should have known better. The House will never pass the health care bill she wants, which means the promise Mitch McConnell made to her for her "yes" vote on taxes isn’t worth the amount of air he displaced in making it.

Be careful what you wish for

When I was younger, maybe college age or a little before that, I used to say half-jokingly that people should be able to retire at 50 and spend a few years doing the things they wanted to do before they were too old to do them. I didn’t want to do what my father did, which was work, retire and die. I didn’t know then that I would actually “retire” at age 53 through the miracle of Allegheny Energy’s early retirement option.

To be fair, I did get another job after that and worked three more years, then spent 10 additional years doing freelance work from my home on my own time and at my own pace, meaning it was almost like retirement but with a hobby that paid cash. I gave it up for good in 2016 because I really didn’t want to work any longer and because for our simple lifestyle we really didn’t need the money. Our lives – if not exactly exciting – were pretty good.     

I remember waking up on November 8, 2016, thinking that I might never see another Republican president in my lifetime, and that maybe before I died we’d have universal health care and an all-inclusive government with a Democratic legislature and a liberal Supreme Court. As I said, things were pretty good.

Then the unthinkable happened, and starting on November 9, I’ve had to worry every single day about whether my wife would have health insurance and whether either one of us will have Medicare and Social Security and whether this country is truly turning into a dictatorship or an oligarchy or a plutocracy and whether we can ever get it back the way it’s supposed to be and a million other things that I shouldn’t have to worry about in my declining years.

So, yeah, I did retire in my early 50s and things worked out okay for a while and then the wheels starting falling off. Back when I was 20, it wasn’t supposed to be this way.

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to all of my friends. If you live here or you’re in town visiting, give us a ring. We’re almost always here and sometimes we even have beer.

Tips for looking after your husband in the Trump/Moore America

My wife recently posted on Facebook an excerpt from a 1950s home economics textbook headlined, “Tips to look after your husband.” This column of advice dates back to the time, presumably, when The Deplorables believed that America was still great. I suggest you read it for a good laugh.

Well, I’m old enough to remember the end of the 1950s, so I remember the “I Like Ike” buttons when Eisenhower was in the White House; June Cleaver doing housework wearing dresses, high heels and pearls; Paul Drake always greeting Della Street with “hi beautiful” and a lot of other TV shows that entertained us with stories about straight white people. Now that I have also lived through the Judge Roy Moore era, I have taken the liberty to update my wife’s article to bring it more in line with today’s culture… and especially tailored to those people who supported Moore and faux-president Donald Trump.

I call it, “You’d damn well better look after your husband – or else.” To that end, here are my amended suggestions:

Have dinner ready

You must always have a hot, nutritious dinner ready for your husband the minute he comes home from work, otherwise he’s liable to slap you around a little and then go out drinking with “the boys.” Never mind that you just got home from work yourself (or Middle School in the case of Roy Moore) or that you have to work two jobs just to help Goober make ends meet. You must learn the fine art of planning ahead.

Prepare yourself, too

Take off that greasy waitress uniform and grandma underwear the minute you enter the house and go commando with skin-tight yoga pants and a sweatshirt cut open deep down the front. Your husband, in all likelihood, has been sexually harassing women at work all day long and is ready for some serious action when he gets home. Make sure you are clean and smell good, like, say, gun oil or beer shampoo. If you have one, a French maid’s uniform will work nicely, as well.

Clear away the clutter

Make sure your house is free of clutter. That means putting away your husband’s (or live-in lover’s) boots, socks, dirty underwear and oil-stained jeans that he left lying on the floor, as well as the empty beer bottles, fishing gear, car parts and pizza boxes that are littering the house. Dump all the overflowing ash trays and put the half-full boxes of .223 Remington ammo back in the gun safe. God forbid you two have been allowed to procreate, but if you have, clean up after the children, too, and send them to a neighbor’s house for the evening.   

Minimize unwanted noise

Turn off the dishwasher, washing machine, vacuum cleaner and other appliances to minimize noise. You can’t expect hubby to fully enjoy his Toby Keith CD with all that outside noise going on.

Some Don’ts

Never greet him with your problems. Anything that happened to you – like losing a job, getting a foreclosure letter in the mail or being raped and sodomized by the mailman who delivered it – are minor distractions compared to the pressures he must endure during his day…like having to deal with a married gay couple, sharing a lunch counter with black people or meeting with his Jew lawyer.

Don’t talk. Just listen. As a woman, know that in his mind you have nothing valuable to say. If it was up to him, you couldn’t even vote.

Some Dos

Be receptive to his crude sexual advances like ambush kissing or pussy grabbing. He’s entitled to do these things because Donald Trump does them and besides, Bill Clinton did much worse and Hillary allowed it.

Practice your fake orgasm sounds until you can moan, pant and scream “oh god oh god oh god” virtually on command.

The goal

Remember, your goal in life is to please your man no matter what it takes, which includes attending Trump rallies and voting for the faux-president if he survives impeachment long enough to run for re-election. In that way, you’ll help your man lead a marginally satisfying life that includes drinking, sports, drinking, fishing, more drinking and sex while doing your part to make America great again.

Rebel yell!!

There is no moral high ground where there is no truth

Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about the “moral high ground.” A lot of people like to claim it and many others try to apply it to everything in their lives. I may get in trouble for saying this, but that kind of thinking simply doesn’t work. At least it doesn’t always apply.

Now before you curse me and stop reading, listen to this:

* If your abusive neighbor complains about your barking dog, you could yell back at him that his son’s music is too loud, his wife is so ugly she burns your eyes and he needs a muffler on his car, but that would place you on the same moral ground that he’s on. In that case, you can claim the moral high ground by apologizing and taking the dog inside.

* If a strange man sits next to you at a basketball game and starts making racist remarks about the players, you could call him a white supremacist and a bigot and a scum bag and tell him to go back to Mississippi, or you could take the moral high ground and say, “Sorry but I don’t think that way.”

* And if the cashier at the supermarket accidentally gives you too much change, you can call it a financial windfall and go get a couple of beers, or you can take the moral high ground and give the money back.

But if you’re a politician who wants to be elected to office and you think you can do it strictly by claiming the moral high ground, you need to think again. While Party #1 is gerrymandering voting districts to favor its own candidates, passing state laws to suppress the vote from candidates of Party #2, accepting billions of dollars in contributions from wealthy donors to advance their pro-authoritarian agenda, nominating replacement candidates with low or zero morals to speak of and then soliciting and coaching alleged “victims” to plaster your own representatives with lies and distortions, then you can’t afford to sit back and watch from your perch atop the moral high ground, because it’s only going to get worse if you do.

Look, it’s 2017 and the president of the United States is a mentally damaged, intellectually challenged pathological liar with no code of ethics, no true beliefs, no empathy for anyone but himself and no moral compass, and now he’s got the Congress to swim along in his wake as he bashes his way through everything good about America.

Remember Michelle Obama saying “when they go low, we go high?” Well I love Michelle but I beg to disagree. Her platitude might work as the caption on a Norman Rockwell painting but it’s not true in politics today. The Republican Party is protecting Donald Trump and supporting Roy Moore while demanding punishment for Al Franken. They couldn’t possibly go any lower, and yet the best the Democrats can do to “go high” is to force Franken to resign.  

It’s 2017 and the moral high ground is what you teach your grandchildren when they’re still very young and sitting on your lap. It’s something they teach in Vacation Bible School or youth church camp, unless of course you’re a Trump-supporting, Moore-endorsing anti-LGBTQ evangelical Christian whose idea of moral high ground is bigger and bigger houses, more and better private jets and tax breaks for rich white people. It is NOT the way to win elections.

I’m sorry to break the news, but there can be no moral high ground where there is no truth. If you don’t believe me, try this on:

* Donald Trump is accused by at least 16 women of various degrees of sexual harassment, abuse and assault. He even admitted to some of it on tape. His defense? “They’re all liars. It didn’t happen.” So what is the truth?

* Roy Moore is accused of sexually assaulting young girls including a 14-year-old. His defense? “I don’t know these women. I didn’t do it. It didn’t happen.” So what is the truth?

* At last count, Al Franken is accused by eight women of kissing them or some other similar behavior, but it comes out that the one in the infamous photo had been groomed for the role, manipulated by friends of Trump and coached for weeks before leveling her charges at the Democratic senator. So what is the truth?

It seems to me the Republicans got exactly what they needed this week, and it was handed to them on a silver platter by Democrats riding the moral high ground. In this corner you have Al Franken accused of sexual misconduct. If he admits it, he has to resign. If he says it didn’t happen, Republicans can say, “See, that’s exactly what Trump says, and what Moore says, so it’s like we’ve been saying all along. The alleged victims are lying.”

Meanwhile, Trump is in the White House, Moore is probably headed for the Senate and Al Franken has to resign. How’s that moral high ground working out for you?

Charles Manson may have checked out too soon

The outgoing chairman of the West Virginia Republican Party said this week that former Massey Energy CEO Don Blankenship will have the party’s full support if he’s nominated for the U.S. Senate in next year’s May primary election.

“We welcome the candidacy of anyone who is anxious to beat Joe Manchin,” said Conrad Lucas on Thursday’s MetroNews Talkline. “That is the top priority in West Virginia for 2018 and I think that we’re going to do it.”

Don Blankenship for the U.S. Senate? Are you serious? I guess Charlie Manson was not available to run, seeing as how he just died.

I’d like to congratulate the Republican Party for sinking as low as it’s possible to sink this year with their campaign to deconstruct America, rape the poor and the elderly, empower criminals, collude with foreign governments and vote into high government office a slate of candidates who aren’t fit to be president of the PTA.

First, there was Roy Moore, the alleged child abuser from Alabama, running to fill a Senate seat in that state, and now Don Blankenship, straight from a 12-month engagement in a California federal prison, wants to join him in the Washington swamp.

In case you've forgotten, Blankenship, 67, was released in May after serving one year for misdemeanor conspiracy to violate safety regulations at the Upper Big Branch mine in Montcoal, Raleigh County, where 29 coal miners died in an April 2010 explosion. In its final report on the accident, the Mine Safety and Health Administration said flagrant safety violations contributed to the explosion, for which it issued 369 citations assessing $10.8 million in penalties.

Blankenship’s conviction was based in part on testimony from a former mine superintendent, who confessed to conspiring to impede the MSHA's safety enforcement efforts. A jury found that Blankenship, the CEO of Massey Energy at the time of the disaster, was guilty of conspiring to willfully violate safety standards, meaning they found him complicit in the 29 miners’ deaths.

That didn’t stop him from announcing this week that he will run against Congressman Evan Jenkins and West Virginia Attorney General Patrick Morrisey in the May 8 Republican primary in an attempt to unseat Democratic Senator Joe Manchin. With Blankenship’s entry in the race, the GOP is building a very interesting slate of candidates for Manchin’s job.

There’s Morrisey, a Brooklyn native who moved to New Jersey, worked as a lobbyist and ran unsuccessfully for the House of Representatives before he was planted here in 2012 by the Republican machine to run against (and defeat) Darrell McGraw to become attorney general.

As AG, Morrisey inherited and continued a lawsuit against eleven major drug distributors, and filed a new suit against the nation's top drug wholesaler, McKesson, for flooding the state with 100 million pain pills in a five year period. However, as a lobbyist, Morrisey was paid $250,000 to represent a pharmaceutical trade group funded by some of the same drug distributors the state has sued. Records show he also took more than $8,000 in political contributions from Cardinal Health, a defendant in one of the state's lawsuits.

Not enough for you? Try this: Morrisey's wife is also a lobbyist, so see if you can guess who is one of her biggest clients? If you said Cardinal Health, you win the prize. While Morrisey has been in office, his wife's firm has made roughly a million and a half dollars lobbying for Cardinal, according to a report by CBS News.

Still not enough? Morrisey has been endorsed by Steve Bannon, the white nationalist executive chairman of Breitbart News and former chief strategist for President Donald Trump.

As for Evan Hollin Jenkins, about the only thing I can say about him is that he was a Republican before he was a Democrat before he became a Republican again as West Virginia was turning red in 2013. Apparently, any party will do for Jenkins as long as it leads to votes. Too bad the Whigs disbanded. Jenkins is currently our 3rd District congressman, taking the seat once held for 38 years by Nick Joe Rahall.

So let’s recap:

* In 2018, the Republican Party’s top priority in West Virginia is to defeat Joe Manchin, even if it has to drive a candidate home from federal prison to do it.

* In 2008, nationally, the top priority was to make Barack Obama a one-term president by stonewalling everything the president tried to do – even things Republicans tended to support.

* In 2017, the top priorities have been to take away our health care, which failed; rebuild our infrastructure, which never got started; and to keep their donors happy with massive tax breaks for the wealthy -- at the expense of the poor, the sick and the elderly -- which are now awaiting a vote in the Senate.

(Oh, and to allow Donald Trump to win something – as in anything – during his first year in office.)

It’s clear that the party’s top priority – back then and now – was and is not the welfare of the people of West Virginia or the best interests of the United States of America. Looking at their current candidates and legislative tactics, some have argued that it’s not even in the best interests of the Republican Party.

Time will tell but I, for one, am hoping that is true. 

We need to peel back the layers of sexual misconduct

I want to state for the record that I have never sexually assaulted anyone, nor am I guilty of sexual abuse, and in the many years I worked as a supervisor in various jobs and as a college instructor, where I held a position of authority over women, I never sexually harassed a single co-worker or student…

…as far as I know.

See, that’s the problem. I know that I never used my authority to curry sexual favors from women who worked for me or college students who took my classes, which is the textbook definition of sexual harassment. Of that I can be certain. But when I made that blanket statement to a female friend of mine recently, she added the qualifier, “As far as you know.”

She didn’t mean that I was guilty of anything. Her point was this: What I thought about my own behavior at various times of my life and what others thought about it could be two different things, and I wouldn’t necessarily know the difference. Speaking from a woman’s perspective, she correctly noted that the way men used to behave toward women and girls is no longer acceptable, and while some men have evolved with changing standards and mores, others still refuse to acknowledge that what they do is wrong.

Take Al Franken, for example. Before he was a senator, he was a comedian and entertainer who apparently stretched the limits of good taste during a USO tour in 2006. He did so to make a joke, get a laugh, present an image, and if you watch videos of others on that tour – including the woman he supposedly molested – you can see that everyone else was doing it, too.

Hell, if sexual innuendo and bad jokes were crimes during USO engagements, Bob Hope would have been locked up decades ago. Hope took the troops things they wanted from home but couldn’t get abroad, including sexy stars, Playboy bunnies and off-color comedians who told sexist jokes. He didn’t take Ann Margret or Raquel Welch along by accident.

Another beloved entertainer, Johnny Carson, was a master of sexual innuendo, if I recall correctly, as was David Letterman. Carson could get away with anything by couching his humor in buzzwords and clichés and then smirking innocently at the camera (google “Easy Caulker” for an example), and I’ve seen Letterman put his hands on the knees, arms and shoulders of female guests on more than one occasion. Drew Barrymore even climbed up on his desk once and exposed herself to him on the air.

Then, there’s another, higher level of sexual abuse that has called out the likes of Charlie Rose for walking around naked in front of women, Harvey Weinstein for masterbating into a potted plant and scores of others, now including Matt Lauer for, well, whatever he supposedly did at the Olympics. Even that doesn’t quite rival Donald Trump’s self-proclaimed history of pussy grabbing and random kissing of women against their will, and none of it comes anywhere close to the sick and twisted pedophilia of Judge Roy Moore.

It all goes to prove that sexual misconduct is a complicated issue with many layers of intent, suggestion, action, revelation, revulsion and response. It’s wrong to try and conflate Bob Hope telling a dirty joke or Al Franken pretending to grab a woman’s breasts with the actions of Rose or Weinstein or the others. That said, none of this behavior is considered acceptable today and we expect the guilty parties to pay the price for it. The only real question is, how much should each level cost?

And that brings me back to people like me. I was a kid once. I was silly and immature and did my share of stupid things, and sometimes large quantities of alcohol were involved. Clearly, I don’t remember everything that ever happened on those occasions, and even after I got older, it’s impossible to recall everything I ever said or anyone who might have been offended by a gesture or a remark.

I do know this for a fact: I’m no longer comfortable striking up a conversation with strangers, especially younger women and children, which probably makes me seem like a grumpy old man a lot of the time. Still, that’s better than being accused of something which may or not be true by someone I may or may not know. The truth is relative these days, and if called to testify, I wouldn’t want to proclaim my innocence and have to add the words “as far as I know” at the end.

Non-Denominational Prayer for Believers and Non-Believers Alike

Our father (mother, brother, sister or other supreme being who we may or may not worship)

Who art in Heaven (or wherever else we go when we die, if anywhere at all)

Hallowed be thy name.

Thy kingdom come,

Thy will be done on earth, as it is in Heaven – and sooner rather than later, if you please.

Give us (back) this day our morals, our ethics, our values and our virtue,

And forgive us our emails as we try to forgive those who didn’t bother to vote in the last election,

And lead us not into nuclear confrontation but deliver us from evil, incompetence, disinterest, apathy, prevarication, the ignorance of Trump and the swamp creatures who are actively and passionately destroying our government and ruining our lives,

For thine is the kingdom, the power and the glory forever and ever…

And if you want to prove it to us, now would be a really good time.

Amen.

And resist.

It’s time to wake up, and I don’t mean in the middle of the night

Dear Red America:

Wake the hell up!

It’s long past time to put down your Bibles and the Laura Ingraham books, turn off Hannity and Limbaugh, take a break from social media and go for a walk outside. Take a deep breath…while you still can. Listen to the birds…while we still have birds. And while you’re out there, think real hard about the country where we live. Try to take an objective look at where we are today, and tell me what you see.

If you’re honest with yourself, you’ll see a president who has the morals of a schoolyard bully, the attention span of a door knob and the brain of a dinosaur; a greedy Congress with the backbone of an amoeba; a cabinet full of rich white guys who pose with sheets of money and live the life of royalty, but can’t see all the way down to you and me from way up in their penthouse apartments; and a handful of mega-wealthy donors who demand that the party in power make them even wealthier or they’ll cut off the money tap.

Truthfully, none of those people really care if the rest of us live or die as long as they get what they want, and that includes the Red State “base” that put them all into power. Oh, they want to sell you promises for votes, alright, but they haven’t actually done anything for you this year and that’s a fact, and if you can’t see that, you’re either too stupid to know you’re stupid or else you’re just not looking.

In less than one year, the Trump administration that you helped put into office has taken steps to destroy your air and water, denied climate change, canceled your right to sue money managers who rip you off, eliminated your ability to be paid overtime in certain jobs, tried numerous times to take away your health insurance, taunted and threatened to eradicate a crazy Korean despot who controls nuclear weapons, authorized the killing of endangered animals, cleared the way for an oil pipeline that’s now leaking all over South Dakota, discussed opening our national parks to drilling rigs, weakened public education, pardoned a law-breaking sheriff, threatened your Medicare and Social Security and demonstrated to the rest of the world that we’ve become unstable, undisciplined and out of control.

And that’s just off the top of my head. I’m sure I could use the google to find many more examples of destructive actions taken by this president, who, by the way, has been found to tell an average of 5.5 lies every day of his presidency and would rather start fights with, well, anybody than actually govern the United States.

If that’s not enough for you, the current Congress – guided by your president – is trying to pass a tax reform bill that even Forbes magazine says will wreck the economy for decades to come. That’s Forbes the business publication, not Mother Jones, The New Republic or Rolling Stone.

Are you getting the message, Red America?

If not, here’s another one for you. Republicans in Alabama and across America are willing to send a sick, twisted, gun-toting, Bible-quoting pedophile to the U.S. Senate because he’ll vote for Trump’s agenda. This is a guy who was kicked off the Alabama Supreme Court twice for violating the law and was even banned from his neighborhood mall. Is that your idea of American family values?

I get it that social issues play a prominent role in the voting decisions of many in the Republican “base,” including Evangelicals and mega-church Christians, uneducated white people and other fringe branches of the party, but is it really worth forfeiting your own moral standards to support politicians who don’t have your best interests at heart? Besides, if these hot-button social issues are so important to you, I’ve got some simple suggestions that are far better than voting for pedophiles, sexual abusers, liars, swindlers and crooks:

* First off, if you oppose abortions, just don’t have one. It’s that easy.

* If you oppose gay marriage, don’t marry a gay.

* If you’re put off by transgenders, don’t change genders.

* If you want to pray in school, go ahead. Knock yourself out. No one is stopping you.

* If you want to stand for the national anthem, be my guest. I do, too.

* If you want to send your kids to Christian schools, please do. On your own dime, of course.

* And if you want to get an education and a good job, improve your lot in life, pay a reasonable amount of taxes, buy a home, have a couple of kids and live the American dream, don’t vote for people who want to take all that away from you and keep everything for themselves. They’ll promise you that wealth and success will trickle down to you from the top, but look back in history and see how many times that proved to be true. The number zero comes to mind.

A few paragraphs ago, I started to type the words “Red Haters” – meaning people who wear Trump’s red MAGA hats – but I was struck by the fact that it looks exactly like “Red Haters” – meaning red state people who hate. I don’t think that’s a coincidence.

The holiday season starts this week and I’d like to get through it with visions of sugar plums dancing in my head…and not waking up at 4:30 in the morning wondering if Paul Ryan is going to take away my Medicare or Social Security, or whether Trump will finally provoke North Korea to shoot off its missiles, or whether Susan Collins and Lisa Murkowski can find one more senator to defeat this insane tax bill that’s bouncing around in Washington.

So, Red America, please explain to me why 10 months of Donald Trump hasn’t caused you to finally wake up, because it certainly does that to me almost every night.

When can we call a deal that’s not a deal a 'deal?'

[Click the link for source information.]

Remember that $84 billion “deal” that West Virginia made with China during faux-president Trump’s visit there this past week?

Guess what? It’s not really a deal.

It’s a MOU – a Memorandum of Understanding – that says both sides want to enter into further discussions toward actually making a deal. In business, that’s a l-o-o-n-g way away from being a deal. MOUs get signed all the time and nothing ever comes from them, or they get significantly changed before the first spade touches earth. They’re like the “wish list” of economic development.

According to Public Broadcasting,  Democrat-turned-Republican Governor Jim Justice and state Commerce Secretary Woody Thrasher held a press conference Monday to discuss the “deal” between West Virginia and China Energy. They were more than happy to outline how the deal came about, “but didn’t provide specifics” about the MOU.

Supposedly, China Energy wants to invest nearly $84 billion in the West Virginia natural gas and petrochemical industries during the next 20 years. Two things about this non-deal stood out to me immediately:

(1) Until the details are negotiated and the appropriate documents are signed, this deal doesn’t really exist. When you hold a press conference to announce a deal that isn’t really a deal, is that considered “fake news?”

(2) It’s mainly a deal for natural gas – the very resource that is putting so many coal miners out of work. Remember the coal miners? The ones Trump promised he would get their jobs back? Assuming that this “deal” ever gets finalized, please explain to me how expanding the market for West Virginia natural gas is going to revive the coal industry. I must be missing something here.  

Meanwhile, the governor and his minions are holding press conferences and celebrating as though they just won the Powerball jackpot. Or are they? Here’s a comment from Thrasher that shows exactly how solid this deal really is:

“Can I guarantee you that they're going to spend 83 billion dollars in 20 years?” he said. “No. But what I can guarantee you is the governor has directed me to do everything within my power to facilitate these projects going forward.”

He added that if he’s a good boy for the rest of the year and eats all of his broccoli, he hopes that Santa Claus will bring him some real nice presents on Christmas Eve. He neglected to add that “if wishes were horses then beggars would ride.”

Justice, too, seems very excited about the agreement, except when he isn't. “We want to be realistic,” he said. “We want to absolutely believe that it's happening. But, at the same time, we don't want to just drop all of our guards and think, 'Yeah, yeah, it's done, done.'”

Apparently, Governor Justice went to the Donald Trump School of Deal Making. And the Donald Trump School of English Grammar and Sentence Structure. And the Donald Trump School of Telling the Truth. 

Now to be fair, I only know what I read. I’m no insider and I have no information that suggests this agreement won’t eventually be signed, or that it wouldn't be a boon to the state's economy, and we're a little short on boons right at the moment.

I would add, however, that I have lived in this state for more years than I care to remember, and if this deal falls through and the $84 billion somehow finds its way to Texas or Kentucky or some other southern state, it won’t be the first time the Mountain State was promised dinner and a movie but ended up only getting screwed.

Complete Human Rights Commission ordinance as revised

SECTION 2: RE-ENACTMENT 

175.01 DECLARATION OF POLICY. It is the public policy of the City to safeguard the right and opportunity of all persons to be free from all forms of discrimination, whether as a result of race, religion, color, national origin, ancestry, sex, age, sexual orientation, gender identity, blindness, or handicap, and to provide for an inclusive community for all residents, businesses and visitors. The denial of these rights to properly qualified persons by reason of race, religion, color, national origin, ancestry, sex, sexual orientation, gender identity, age, blindness or handicap is contrary to the principles of freedom and equality of opportunity and is destructive to a free and democratic society.

175.02 DEFINITIONS: All words utilized in this ordinance shall be ascribed their ordinary meaning unless otherwise defined in Article 11, Chapter 5 of the West Virginia Code, as amended, (§5-11-1 et seq.) which is entitled West Virginia Human Rights Commission. If any such word is so defined by the aforementioned Code (§5-11-1 et seq.) then such word shall be ascribed the definition contained therein.

175.03 ESTABLISHMENT; PURPOSE. A non-partisan human rights commission is hereby established in the City government to be known as the Fairmont Human Rights Commission. The Commission shall have the powers and authority and shall perform the functions and services as prescribed herein. The Commission shall encourage and endeavor to bring about mutual understanding and respect among all persons and encourage and endeavor to safeguard the right and opportunity of all persons to be free from all forms of discrimination whether by virtue of race, religion, color, national origin, ancestry, sex, sexual orientation, gender identity, age, blindness or handicap.

175.04 MEMBERS; COMPENSATION. The Human Rights Commission shall be composed of seven members to be appointed by the City Manager and confirmed by the Council. All members appointed to serve on the Commission shall be residents of the City of Fairmont. No member may hold office in any political party. Members of the Commission shall be appointed for terms of three years commencing on the effective date of this Ordinance. Appointments to fill vacancies shall be for the unexpired term thereof. Members shall be eligible for reappointment. Before assuming and performing any duties as a member of the Commission, each Commission member shall take and subscribe to the official oath prescribed in Section 5, Article IV of the Constitution of West Virginia, which executed oath shall be filed in the office of the Clerk of the City. Members shall serve without salary, provided, however, members shall be reimbursed for any reasonable and necessary expenses incurred in performance of the Commission services. Any member shall forfeit his office if such member fails to attend three consecutive regular meetings of the Commission without being excused by the Commission as reflected in the minutes. Vacancies may be filled by appointment by the City Manager and confirmed by Council for the unexpired term.

175.05 ORGANIZATION; PERSONNEL. As soon as practical after the creation of the Human Rights Commission, a meeting of its members shall be called. The Commission shall organize, at the meeting, by electing one of its members as chairperson of the Commission, one as vice-chairperson thereof, and one as secretary thereof, for a term of one year or until their successors are elected and qualified. At such meeting the Commission shall also elect from its membership such other officers as may be found necessary and proper for its effective organization. Annually thereafter, as soon as practical after the anniversary of the enactment hereof, the Commission shall elect a chairperson, vice chairperson and secretary from its membership and such other officers as may be found necessary and proper for its effective organization. The Commission shall hold its initial organizational meeting, annual meetings, and all ordinary and special meetings at a place to be designated by City Manager. Any four members of the Commission shall constitute a quorum for the transaction of business. Minutes of the meetings shall be kept by the secretary.

175.06 ASSISTANCE TO COMMISSION; LEGAL SERVICES. The Fairmont Human Rights Commission may, with the consent and approval of the City Manager, call upon other officers, departments and agencies of the City government to assist in its, programs and projects. At its discretion, the Commission may accept volunteer services, including volunteer services of private legal counsel.

175.07 DUTIES; POWERS. The Human Rights Commission is hereby authorized and empowered:

(a) To cooperate and work with Federal, State and Local Government officers, units, activities and agencies in the promotion and attainment of more harmonious understanding and greater equality of rights between and among all persons regardless of race, religion, color, national origin, ancestry, sex, sexual orientation, gender identity, age, blindness or handicap;

(b) To enlist the cooperation of racial, religious and ethnic units, community and civic organizations, industrial and labor organizations, and other identifiable groups of the City in programs and campaigns devoted to the education and advancement of tolerance, understanding and equal protection of the laws for all groups and peoples regardless of race, religion, color, national origin, ancestry, sex, sexual orientation, gender identity, age, blindness or handicap.;

(c) To recommend to Council policies, procedures, practices and legislation in matters and questions affecting human rights and relations;

(d) To create such committees and sub-committees from within the Commission and its volunteers, which in its judgment will aid in effectuating the purposes of this article, to study the problem of discrimination in all fields of discrimination because of race, religion, color, national origin, ancestry, age, sex, sexual orientation, gender identity, blindness or handicap; to foster, through community effort or otherwise, good will, cooperation and conciliation among the groups and elements of the population of this City, and to make recommendations to the Commission for the development and implementation of programs of formal and informal education.

(e) To accept contributions from any person, private corporation, or governmental agency, including the City of Fairmont as part of its budgetary process, to assist in the effectuation of the purposes of this Article and to apply for grants and other funding, and to seek and enlist the cooperation and support of private, public, governmental, charitable, religious, labor, civic and benevolent organizations for the purposes of this section;

(f) To hold, formulate, and develop forums, workshops, and opportunities to allow for the dissemination, sharing, and discussion of information to the understanding and work of the Commission and which will tend to promote good will and minimize or eliminate discrimination;

(g) To issue such publications and results of research as in its judgment will tend to promote good will and minimize or eliminate discrimination;

(h) Pursuant to the "Sunshine Law", West Virginia Code 6-9A-1 et seq., meetings of the Commission shall be open to the public.

175.08 CITY CONTRACTS. The City shall require that all contractors execute the Non-discrimination in Workplace Conformance Affidavit, or such other form which the City deems warranted, which provides that such contractor does not discriminate against any employee or applicant for employment because of race, religion, color, national origin, ancestry, sex, sexual orientation, gender identity, age, blindness or handicap, or any other form of discrimination in hiring, placement, upgrading, transfer, demotion, recruitment, advertising, or solicitation for employment, training, rates of pay or other forms of compensations, selection of apprenticeship, layoff or termination, and will otherwise comply with all federal law or laws or regulations and executive orders relating to unlawful employment practices.

175.09 CONSTRUCTION; SEVERABILITY. This article shall in no way be construed to deny to any person such rights as they exist at common law, or under the laws of the State, or under the laws of the United States of America, for redress or damages, in the event of willful and malicious wrongs or harassment committed upon them. The provisions of this article shall be liberally construed to accomplish its objectives and purposes. If any provision of this article is held invalid or unconstitutional by any court of competent jurisdiction, such invalidity or unconstitutionality shall not affect or invalidate the other provisions hereof, all of which are declared and shall be construed to be separate and severable.

This Ordinance shall become effective thirty (30) days after adoption. Adopted this the 12th day of September, 2017.

What if you signed a petition you didn’t read to oppose a policy you don’t understand?

Read complete ordinance here.

On two occasions now, the people behind a petition drive to throw out Fairmont’s new Human Rights Commission ordinance have been forced to admit – in the newspaper – that they haven’t read (or don’t understand) the ordinance they are opposing or the one it intends to replace. I have to wonder how many signatories read either the ordinance they claim to oppose or the petition they gleefully signed.

Just this week, a representative for Keep Fairmont Safe (KFS) was informed to her apparent surprise that the city’s old ordinance gives the Human Rights Commission the authority to hold hearings and levy fines for violation of its rules. This is the ordinance that was supposed to be repealed and replaced by the new one that KFS opposes.

“We were told that (old) ordinance was never in effect,” the representative said. “I’ll have to look at that again.”

Back on October 12, in another newspaper interview, the same woman claimed that the new ordinance would allow men free access to women’s restrooms because it included the words “public accommodations” in its preamble. Informed that the new ordinance does not include the phrase “public accommodations,” she replied that she “wasn’t aware” of that fact.

“I didn’t read the ordinance that way,” she said. “I’ll have to look at it again.”

Here’s an idea: Instead of making false statements to the public and the press, getting caught and having to backtrack and “look again,” why don’t you sit down in a quiet place and actually read the ordinance you claim to oppose. It's only three pages long. Then read the one it intends to replace, which, by the way, will remain in effect unless it is repealed.  

That way you can stop your out-of-control petition drive long enough to actually find out what the City Council is proposing instead of listening to anti-gay, pro-discrimination religious zealots who descended on Fairmont and filled the air with misrepresentations, twisted logic, distorted facts and outright lies. These are the same kinds of people who want to ban books they haven’t read, boycott movies they haven’t seen and support political candidates whose agendas they don’t understand.

This group is going all out to oppose a policy statement that basically asks citizens of Fairmont to treat every other citizen with dignity and respect. Note that I called it a policy statement and not a law. No one would get arrested for violating the ordinance and it carries no punishment or fines.

Here’s what it actually says:

“It is the public policy of the city to safeguard the right and opportunity of all persons to be free from all forms of discrimination, whether as a result of race, religion, color, national origin, ancestry, sex, age, sexual orientation, gender identity, blindness or handicap, and to provide for an inclusive community for all residents, businesses and visitors. The denial of these rights is contrary to the principles of freedom and equality of opportunity and is destructive to a free and democratic society.”

How can anybody oppose an ordinance that only asks us to treat our neighbors fairly? I can think of only one reason. Do I really have to say the word?

The young savant who taught us about presidents and liars

I went to elementary school with a boy who was some kind of savant. He didn’t seem to know much about reading, writing and arithmetic, but he knew everything there was to know about the presidents of the United States.

Guys would ask him, “Carl (not his real name), who was the 19^th president?” and Carl would answer in a rattling voice:

“Rutherford Birchard Hayes. Whig Party. He served from 1877 to 1881. He was born October 4, 1822, in Delaware, Ohio, and died January 17, 1893, in Fremont, Ohio. He had three children, Webb Hayes, Rutherford P. Hayes and Scott Russell Hayes. He once said the President of the United States ‘should strive to be always mindful of the fact that he serves his party best who serves his country best.’”

And he could do that for every president right up through Eisenhower, who happened to be the president at the time. “Dwight David Eisenhower was an American Army general and statesman…”

You get the idea.

Carl also taught me a new word. Because he was, well, different from the rest of us, boys liked to tease him by mocking him or asking him stupid questions or telling him stories that weren’t true. He would respond by pointing a crooked finger at us and exclaiming, “You’re a prevaricator.” I had no idea what that meant, so I went home and looked it up in this thing we used to keep on the bookshelf. It was called a “dictionary.”

Prevaricator
[pre-VER-i-kay-ter]

noun

1. A person who speaks falsely, a liar
2. A person who speaks evasively to avoid the precise truth; a quibbler; an equivocator


I think about Carl a lot these days whenever I hear Donald Trump speak. I wonder what he would say if you were to ask him, “Who was the 45^th president of the United States?” No doubt Carl would answer this way:

“Donald John Trump is the 45th and current President of the United States, in office since January 20, 2017. Before entering politics, he was a businessman and reality television personality who got to hire and fire people on a show called ‘The Apprentice.’ Trump was born in Queens, N.Y., on June 14, 1946. He is married to his third wife, Melania Trump, possibly an illegal immigrant, from Slovenia or some such Eastern European country.

“He is known for putting his name on anything he can get paid for including hotels, golf courses, resorts, casinos, steaks, wine, books he didn’t write, ugly red trucker hats, shirts, ties, suits, pens, mugs, backpacks, five children, four bankruptcies and a university where he scammed people out of their life savings with a false promise of wealth. The list is so much longer. He also made his mark in business by stiffing contractors who performed work for him but were never paid. He also likes to sue people for virtually any reason.

“He avoided military service during the Vietnam War by claiming to have heel spurs and went to Wharton School of Business where he claimed to be the top student, but has since been described as one of the stupidest students ever to take classes there. He likes to boast that he has a good brain and ‘one of the great memories of all time’ but can’t seem to remember that he and his whole campaign staff colluded with Russian agents to sway the 2016 election in his favor.

“He thinks the government runs like a sole proprietor business where one man has absolute power to make every decision, like a dictatorship, and gets frustrated because we have a Congress and a judiciary system that limit his authority.

“He is known for these quotes:   

‘What separates the winners from the losers is how a person reacts to each new twist of fate.’

‘I’m automatically attracted to beautiful (women) – I just start kissing them. It’s like a magnet. Just kiss. I don’t even wait. And when you’re a star, they let you do it. You can do anything. Grab ’em by the pussy. You can do anything.’”

And then, Carl would most certainly point his crooked finger in your face and say, “He’s also a prevaricator.”

Sometimes things just form a perfect circle.

Connect the dots to reveal the hidden object

Click the links for source material

Remember those “connect the dots” games we played as kids? You’d have a line drawing of some whiskers, eyeballs and a tail surrounded by a series of numbered dots. When you drew a line from Dot 1 to Dot 2 and so on, it revealed a hidden picture of a cat.

Sometimes, seemingly unrelated events come to your attention. If you’re like me, you might think of them as the whiskers, eyeballs and a tail in a drawing, waiting for you to connect the dots to see what’s hiding behind the numbers.

First, there’s the whiskers:

In the past month or so, I have needed the services of an electrician, a plumber and an HVAC repairman. In each case, when I called to schedule appointments, I was told there would be a long wait. “We’re really backed up,” the plumber’s dispatcher told me, while the man at the electrical supply store was even more emphatic: “I’ll give you some names, but good luck getting anyone to come out for a small job. They’re all working on big projects down in Morgantown.”

They did eventually arrive – except for the electrician – and yesterday I paid the bill for the plumber. He was in my house less than 10 minutes and his labor charge was $60. Now I’m not complaining. I expect to pay a reasonable amount for service, but here’s my point: There seems to be a demand for more plumbers, electricians and HVAC repairmen in towns like Fairmont, and the ones you can get – if you can get them – make pretty good money.

Next, the eyeballs:

It’s well documented that there are a few thousand laid-off coal miners looking for work in this area, which leads me to a distressing story from Reuters about out-of-work miners in Pennsylvania who are rejecting offers for free job retaining, choosing instead to wait for Donald Trump to revive the coal industry and bring back all of their jobs – despite the evidence to the contrary.

The article referenced a federally funded career training center in Waynesburg, Pa., that offered more than one hundred courses covering everything from computer programming to nursing. I’m guessing that plumbing, electrician and HVAC repairman might have been in there, too, but when one man showed up, he chose a coal mining course, telling a reporter he thinks coal is coming back.

Even free food has failed to attract enough participants to fill up the training center classrooms, Reuters said.

“Despite broad consensus about coal’s bleak future, a years-long effort to diversify the economy of this hard-hit region away from mining is stumbling, with Obama-era jobs retraining classes undersubscribed and future programs at risk under President Donald Trump’s proposed 2018 budget,” the article says. “Trump has promised to revive coal by rolling back environmental regulations and moved to repeal Obama-era curbs on carbon emissions from power plants.”

“I have a lot of faith in President Trump,” one would-be miner said.

Unfortunately, the man’s faith might be inspired by false promises made during an election campaign and false hope fueled by a recent mine opening in Pennsylvania. In June, a new mine in Somerset County created 70 jobs, which sounds like good news until you consider that the Appalachian region has lost about 33,500 mining jobs since 2011. Suggesting to miners that 70 jobs in one mine will start reviving the coal industry is misleading at best, if not a little bit cruel.

“The coal industry has stabilized, but it’s not going to come back,” said Blair Zimmerman, a 40-year veteran of the mines who is now the commissioner for Greene County, one of Pennsylvania’s oldest coal regions. “We need to look at the future.”

And finally, there’s the tail:

I saw a notice on Facebook that the West Virginia Division of Highways is sponsoring a “hiring event” on December 5 in Morgantown. Prospective applicants are encouraged to fill out applications on line and go to Morgantown “prepared to interview” for jobs as Transportation Worker 1, 2 or 3.

The work includes construction and maintenance of highways, related buildings and structures; erecting and operating a drilling rig; and operating heavy equipment such as power graders, bulldozers, backhoes and semi-trailers. A transportation worker might make major repairs to roads and bridges, overhaul gasoline and diesel powered maintenance equipment and perform other highway-related tasks, according to the DoH web site.

So now we have all of the dots. Connect them and here’s what you find:

* Hundreds or thousands of coal miners have lost their jobs, possibly forever.

* The federal government is offering to retrain them to be something else and it won’t cost a thing. They only have to show up and learn. Even the food is free.

* Other job opportunities exist in a variety of trades such as plumbing and electrical work where demand is greater than the availability of workers.

* In West Virginia, the highway department is looking for help, going so far as advertising “hiring events” at which they are prepared to offer jobs, presumably on the spot.

Now it’s not my place to tell another person how to live his or her life, but I know if it were me, and I lost the job I used to have and the company I worked for and its major customer both told me the jobs weren’t coming back, I’d take their word over a shady politician and start looking for my next opportunity…especially if there was sandwiches and chips to go along with the training course.

Say, have you got anything in a ham and cheese?

Mirror mirror on the wall, who’s the least competent of them all?

Click the links for source material.

In the news this week are two stories that I find intriguing. In one, it’s rumored that Education Secretary Betsy DeVos may be resigning soon. Seems she’s in w-a-a-a-y over her head in pushing her anti-public school, pro-religion agenda. In the other story, Energy Secretary Rick Perry suggested we could do away with sexual assault by…wait for it…firing up our coal power plants and simply turning on the lights. [Apparently, light provided by nuclear power plants, windmills and hydroelectric dams does nothing to prevent rape.] 

It’s neck-and-neck in the race to determine which of these two morons is the least qualified of Donald J. Trump’s swamp creature cabinet, and maybe the least qualified cabinet officials of all time. I think they both have a slight edge over Dr. Ben Carson, who presumably still believes the Egyptian pyramids are full of grain.

Let’s take Perry first.

Speaking during an energy policy discussion with “Meet the Press” host Chuck Todd and Axios CEO and founder Jim VandeHei, Perry advanced the theory that expanding the use of fossil fuels could help prevent sexual assault. In discussing a recent trip to Africa, Perry said a young girl told him that energy is important to her because she often reads by the light of a fire with toxic fumes.

“But also from the standpoint of sexual assault,” Perry said. “When the lights are on, when you have light that shines, the righteousness, if you will on those types of acts.”

First off, neither of those two word salads is a complete sentence, and second, WTF is he talking about? I’m convinced that comments like those are what the term “argle bargle” was invented for. Watch me while I debunk Perry’s theory:

If I climb up the highest hill here in town, I could probably see three coal-fired power plants. They’re all around me because, well, this is where the coal used to be. Two of them are even still in operation. I also read the local newspaper every day, and have remarked in the past about the shocking number of sexual assaults reported, which seems to be out of proportion for such a small town.

So, you do the math: If we have three coal plants here but still have way too many sexual assaults, then Perry’s theory doesn’t compute – unless, of course, the people of Fairmont just don’t turn on their lights often enough. Maybe that’s the problem. Turn on a light, prevent sexual assault. Just say no, end the drug epidemic. The Trump administration has a simplistic answer to everything, ginned up I assume by their simple minds.

Who knew thinking could be so complicated?

And then there’s DeVos. Trump’s education secretary was described this week as “one of the most ineffective people ever to hold the job.” Politico reported that the billionaire evangelical Christian “has found herself stymied by the bureaucratic restraints on her job,” and that “bringing about change in Washington requires time, patience and government savvy – three things she does not have.”

DeVos, said Politico’s Tim Alberta, is on a “religiously infused journey to reimagine the relationship between government, parents, teachers and schools.” She wants to allow parents more freedom to withdraw their children from public schools and enroll them in charter schools, religious schools and private schools, and expects that your federal tax dollars will follow those children out of the public school system.

Here’s the problem: Public schools receive very little of their funding from the federal government. They are financed in large part by state and local taxes in places where public schools – located as close as possible to where students actually live – are still very popular.

In other words, not every student in America has access to a religious, private or charter school. Think rural West Virginia, where many kids already suffer long bus rides just to get to the schools that are actually there. Imagine if a kid from, say, Calhoun County had to travel to Parkersburg to attend school. That’s three to four hours round trip every day. And that’s only one example from one small state. What about big states like Nebraska or New Mexico or Montana?

Betsy DeVos lives in Holland, Michigan, which sits inside a triangle that connects Milwaukee, Chicago and Detroit with Lake Michigan in the center. I’m not sure she even knows there is a rural America.

Finally, there was a third story that archaeologists have found a “void” inside the Great Pyramid of Giza. I perked up when I read that, thinking Dr. Carson might be onto something, until I got to the part that said the void “was probably empty space designed by the pyramid’s architects to lessen the weight on its chambers and prevent them from collapsing.”

There was no evidence that grain was stored inside.

It’s only the top of the second with many more innings to play

I was watching last night’s baseball game in which the Los Angeles Dodgers scored three runs in the top of the first and led the Houston Astros, 3-0, after one full inning. At that point in time, there was no evidence to suggest that the teams would go on to hit seven home runs, rally from big deficits to tie the score three separate times or go to extra innings before the Astros finally won, 13-12, in a World Series game for the ages.

Today, after former Trump campaign advisers Paul Manafort and Rick Gates were arrested on indictments acquired by Special Counsel Robert Mueller, the White House enthusiastically proclaimed that the indictments provided “no evidence of collusion” between Trump and the Russians to rig the 2016 election.

Welcome to the top of the second inning.

The White House may be right about the first indictments to come from Mueller’s probe of the Trump administration and its alleged ties to Russian involvement in the presidential election. On their face, they don’t present a case for collusion or point directly at faux President Donald Trump in any meaningful way.

There is, however, an apparent mountain of evidence that Manafort laundered money, worked illegally as an agent for a foreign government and lied on official government documents – all serious crimes in my book – and that Gates may have joined him in those endeavors.

That’s really all the arrests were intended to demonstrate at this point in time. There was no evidence to suggest that Mueller, at this early stage of the investigation, even tried to prove collusion or that the special counsel is now ready to pack up his briefcase and head back to life as a corporate attorney. The man known for his thoughtfulness, his thoroughness and his attention to detail, is only getting started.

The question now is, facing a 12-count indictment and some fairly serious charges, will Manafort tell what he knows about the campaign and/or lead investigators to other campaign staffers who might have a story to tell? What happens next? Only Mueller and Manafort may know.

I also noticed the White House had somewhat less to say about former foreign policy advisor George Papadopoulos, who pleaded guilty to lying to the FBI about his dealings with Kremlin agents during the election. Trump and his lawyers appeared to fall back on one of their favorite excuses by saying that Papadopoulos was an unpaid volunteer adviser who only attended a meeting or two and was not a key player in the administration.

That may or may not be true – you never really know with Trump – but one thing is certain: Papadopoulos did work for Trump and does know other people who were active in the campaign, and his guilty plea suggests to me that he might have plenty to say to investigators as well. Can you say "John Dean?"

Today’s news was certainly exciting and it’s likely to dominate the news cycle for several days (or weeks) to come. It was greeted like a special package that arrived in the mail a few days before Christmas and sat under the tree taunting us before we could finally tear off the wrapper. Now we’ll be watching eagerly for more shoes – and more indictments – to drop on members of the Trump team.

I mean, it occurs to me that we haven’t heard much recently from Mike Flynn or Carter Page or some of the other Trumpeteers who were targeted by this investigation. Are they talking? If so, which ones are singing and which ones aren’t? What do they know and when did they know it? Oh, and did anyone look at their emails?

And then there’s Jared.

These are questions for the second, third, fifth, seventh and other upcoming innings in the Robert Mueller Special Counsel World Series. There is no evidence to suggest that the serious stuff against Trump and others won’t continue to come down in its own good time.

So, batter up!

My senators are working hard for me…except when they’re not

Since I started sending letters and emails to my U.S. senators, they have both added my name to their newsletter mailing lists. Words can’t describe my excitement. Recently, both of them sent me their latest editions and I’m eager to share the news with you.

First, you should know that when I wrote to Senators Joe Manchin (D) and Shelley Moore Capito (R), I expressed my grave concern about issues that are critical to the health and welfare of my wife, myself and other people I know. For example, I pleaded with Mrs. Capito to vote against the repeal and replacement of the Affordable Care Act because without its protections for pre-existing conditions, my wife can’t get health insurance.

She had promised West Virginians that she had our best interests at heart, announcing that she did not go to Washington to hurt people. Then, as near as I can tell, she voted in favor of every version of the “repeal and replace” bill that came to the floor.

I don’t know about every West Virginian, but that certainly would have hurt the two of us.

Then I asked both senators to please keep their hands off my Social Security and Medicare, which are essential to my wife and I if we are to keep on living. In another year, we will both depend on Medicare for our health insurance and Social Security accounts for a big chunk of our monthly income. Besides, I pointed out, it was our money to begin with and Congress has no moral right to steal it from us to award tax cuts to wealthy Republican donors.

That argument was apparently not sufficient to dissuade Mrs. Capito from enthusiastically supporting the latest Republican budget proposal which – last time I checked – would cut millions of dollars from Medicare and trillions from Medicaid, which again seems like something that would actually hurt people in West Virginia.

But wait! Not according to her newsletter:

“The Senate took the first major step toward achieving comprehensive pro-growth tax reform by passing the budget resolution this week. This is great news for all West Virginians because it means we have an opportunity to grow our nation’s economy, create jobs and put more money in the pockets of middle-class families.

“Think about it this way: Would you like to have more money to spend on the things you and your family need? Well, this is exactly what we are trying to accomplish.”

Sorry, Mrs. Capito, but that’s just trickle-down economics all over again. Give major tax breaks to the top 1% of the population and cut business taxes for wealthy donors and a cornucopia of riches will trickle down to Average Joe, his wife and six kids back here in West Virginia. It works to perfection…except when it doesn’t.  (Note: It never has.)

So Mrs. Capito’s pledge to never hurt anyone is just as hollow as, well, anything Donald Trump has said since he started running for president. Thanks, Shel. You have proven to be everything that I expected … and so much Moore.  

Manchin is a slightly different animal. A Democrat except when he’s not, Joe did vote against repealing the ACA and against the Republican budget (thanks for that!) but is “proud” to support President Trump’s rollback of the EPA’s Clean Power Plan so that 20 more coal miners can keep their jobs while the environment goes to hell.   

"The EPA’s proposed rule to roll back the Clean Power Plan is long overdue and welcome good news for West Virginia,” Manchin’s newsletter boasts. "This reversal demonstrates the Trump Administration’s willingness to work with West Virginia, instead of against us, to prevent EPA overreach and utilize state-driven policies.

“I look forward to working with President Trump, his Administration and my colleagues on both sides of the aisle in Congress to put partisanship aside and set our nation on a course to secure our energy future.”

Trump, Trump Trump… I’m sorry, Joe, but for a Democrat, you seem to have way too many Trump references in your newsletter. Frankly, I don’t want you working with President Trump on anything, unless maybe you could help guide him out the front door of the White House and into a waiting prison bus, and I really don’t want you bragging about him to your constituents.   

*     *     *

Ironically, another item in Joe’s missive advertises free black lung screenings by the National Institute of Occupational Safety and Health in the coal mining towns of Matewan and Oceana. It’s like he was saying, “Go ahead and mine the coal, fellas, and when the coal dust makes you sick and you can no longer breathe, we’ll check your lungs out for free.”

Then, after they get checked out, those miners can receive treatment for their black lung disease by using their Medicaid benefits. Right, Mrs. Capito?

Wait! What?

Lying liars, Twitter wars, medical marvels

I haven’t written much lately, and there’s a reason for that. Watching the news over the past week or two has me shaking my head so much I think parts of it have broken loose. At the very least, it’s made me so dizzy I can’t focus on the keyboard.

If you’ve been reading this blog, you know there are two things I can’t abide: stupidity and lying, which coincidentally happen to be the two main factors that made Donald Trump the faux president of the United States. He lied continually throughout his campaign and 62 million voters were too stupid to understand.

Stupidity aside, recently we have been observing a series of running feuds between the Trump administration and everyone from former presidents to members of Congress and the widow of an American serviceman killed in action. It goes something like this: In a series of speeches, comments and tweets, Trump the liar tells some lies and another liar lies to defend his lies, and yet another liar lies about why the liar lied in the first place, and finally the white nationalist who left the White House but still holds Trump’s leash admits that one of the lying liars lied…but finds a way to brag about it.

You try writing a coherent blog about all of that. I dare you.

Here’s a partial recap for those of you keeping score at home:

* Twelve days after four American soldiers are killed in Niger, Africa, Trump was asked at a press conference why he hadn’t said anything about the attack. Instead of answering the question, he claimed that former presidents like George Bush and Barack Obama never contacted the spouses of soldiers killed in action, which was a lie. Then he said he does call them when he gets the chance (another lie), claimed that letters had been written and were being sent to all of them as we speak (another lie) and swore that he’s been doing this since he took office in January (another lie).

We know these were lies because right after he said all of this, the White House had to scramble to get a list of all servicemen and women killed around the world since Trump’s inauguration in January. See? Not only did he not call or write to any of their spouses, he didn’t even know who the slain soldiers were.

* When he did actually call the widow of one of the Niger victims, she claimed that he insulted her. When a congresswoman who was with the widow backed up her story, Trump said that was a lie. He insulted the widow and the congresswoman, so they insulted him back, forcing him to insult them back, which meant they each had to go on TV to insult him back…you get the idea. Meanwhile, Trump trotted out his Chief of Staff, General John Kelly, to call the distraught widow an “empty barrel” and defend the president’s insults as basic military protocol.

* Of course, spokesmen for Presidents Bush and Obama took issue with Trump’s lies, and a little research showed that they were telling the truth, which meant that Trump was, well, you know, lying.

* About the same time, both Bush and Obama made speeches at separate events unrelated to the whole Niger thing in which they strongly criticized the Trump administration for its “nationalism and bigotry” (Bush) and the “social, economic and racial schisms that are dividing American society” (Obama). Neither former president mentioned Trump by name.

* That prompted White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders to proclaim that Bush and Obama were not talking about Trump when they said those terrible things. She didn’t say who they were talking about, however, apparently leaving us to decide on our own. Perhaps it was someone named Ronald Trump who is president of a small eastern European country named Alterno Factovenia, which only appears on maps made available to Trump and his cabinet members.

Or maybe she was just lying…again. You be the judge.

* To top it off, former Trump adviser Steve Bannon – who was exiled from the White House for being too bat-shit crazy to have security clearance but who still controls Trump’s brain – seemed to dismiss Sanders’s lie by saying that Bush was in fact talking about Trump, but it doesn’t really matter because Bush didn’t know what he was talking about…just like when he was president.

That all happened over two or three days…and I haven’t even gotten into Trump’s twitter wars with Republican senators who refuse to kneel and kiss his ring. Here’s a small taste:

Arizona Senator Jeff Flake: “We must never regard as ‘normal’ the…personal attacks, the threats against principles, freedoms, and institutions; the flagrant disregard for truth or decency, [or] the reckless provocations, most often for the pettiest and most personal reasons, reasons having nothing whatsoever to do with the fortunes of the people that we have all been elected to serve.”

Trump: “Jeff Flake, with an 18% approval rating in Arizona, said ‘a lot of my colleagues have spoken out.’ Really, they just gave me a standing O!”

Tennessee Senator Jeff Corker: “It’s a shame the White House has become an adult day care center.”

“I don’t know why (Trump) lowers himself to such a low, low standard and debases our country in the way that he does, but he does.”

Trump “has great difficulty with the truth.”

Trump: “Bob Corker…couldn't get elected dog catcher in Tennessee.”

By my count, there are six Republican senators who have recently stood up to Donald Trump: Corker, Flake, John McCain, Lisa Murkowski, Susan Collins and Rand Paul. Flake and Corker are retiring and McCain has cancer and probably won’t run again. The two women have bigger balls than all of their male colleagues and Rand Paul is opposed to everything.

That leaves 46 Republicans in the Senate (and 240-some in the House) who seem willing to keep riding the Trump Train whether it carries them to glory or destruction. I find it remarkable how these medical marvels can stand erect without a spine.