There are several reasons for this and they are not
negotiable. I don’t care if you’re calling on behalf of “RescueEveryDog.com,”
the “We Found the Cure for Cancer Foundation” or
“ThirtyCentsADayCanBringAbout- WorldPeace.org.” I have nothing to say to you
except “click.”
For example, on Saturday morning my phone rang and the
caller ID suggested it might be someone I knew, so I answered the call. It
didn’t take me long to regret that decision. A woman on the other end addressed
me by a name I didn’t recognize, then laughed and said, “It’s harder to reach
you than it is to get my husband to make dinner.” That’s when I hung up.
First off, just so you know, clever opening lines don’t work
on me. I’ve hung up on some of the best. And I am not hard to reach because I’m home most of the time. I just
generally don’t answer the phone.
Second, just because my caller ID says “Cancer Fund” or
“Support Your Local Sheriff” doesn’t mean that’s who you are. I have received
phone calls in which my caller ID said I was calling myself, which, of course,
is impossible, because if I actually did that I’d get a busy signal. You could
be a scammer or any kind of nefarious individual out to relieve me of my bank
account. After all, I can’t see you through the phone, so I refuse to bite.
Third, I already know how to make donations to organizations
I support. I don’t need any help from you. When I have extra money to give
away, I do it gladly, but when I don’t, I don’t, so calling me is a waste of
your time and mine. I’m either going to ignore the call completely and let the
phone ring through to voice mail or I’ll hang up on you, so please don’t bother
me.
Fourth, if you tell me your name is Todd or Brian or Charlie
and you speak in such a heavy south Asian accent that you’re hard to understand,
I’m calling B.S. and hanging up. I’d rather you just told me up front that your
name was Bagdesh or Shariq or Jugnu. I’m still hanging up on you, but at least
I’d give you one point for honesty.
Fifth, I’m not in a financial position to help you cure cancer,
if that’s why you’re calling, but I’ll tell you who is. Try soliciting Eli
Lilly or Mylan Pharmaceuticals or GlaxoSmithKline, or maybe Pfizer or Merck or
Bristol-Myers Squibb. Tell them we already have enough drugs to treat Plaque
Psoriasis and Restless Leg Syndrome and it’s time they started working on
cancer. They have billions of dollars to pay executives and pass on to their
shareholders that could be invested in research if they were seriously
interested in curing diseases – which apparently they are not.
I believe that if all of the nation’s drug companies combined
their substantial resources and expertise, they could probably find a cure for most
if not all of our diseases in a relatively short period of time…but then no one
would get sick and they’d put themselves out of business. It’s the same
philosophy that makes so many consumer products go bad after a certain amount
of time – what we call “planned obsolescence.” If your kitchen appliances never
failed, why would you ever buy new ones? And if you didn’t, how long would
Kitchen Aid stay in business?
As for drug companies, they don’t make money curing
diseases, they make their money treating them.
When’s the last time you saw a TV commercial for a polio drug? Or smallpox?
“Ask your doctor if SuperMegaZithroAnti-Poxicillin may be right for you.”
I used to be polite, the way I was brought up to be. I’d
listen patiently to phone solicitors and give the person time to take a breath
before I’d stop them and say, “Excuse me. I’m very sorry but I’m not
interested. Thanks for calling. Good-bye.” And then I would hang up. But the
callers have gotten wise to that tactic and have somehow found a way to keep talking
for five minutes straight without breathing, so even when I say “excuse me”
they keep right on going.
I have the solution to that now. It’s called “click.”
It’s bad enough that you get dozens of these calls a month
but sometimes they call before 9 a.m. or after 8 p.m. or on weekends when
they’re supposed to leave us alone. I thought I was on the DO NOT CALL list to
prevent these calls from getting through, but they keep on calling anyway, so I
suppose they’ve found a way around that, too.
After all, if they can find a way for me to call myself, I
guess they can do just about anything. Anything, that is, except get me to
answer the phone. And that's why that ringing sound you hear is me, saying “please go away.”
No comments:
Post a Comment