An evening at home with a hypothetical American family

Picture, if you will, a hypothetical guy with a hypothetical government job. Let’s say his name is, oh, I don’t know…let’s call him “Mitch.”

The Mitch in this story is a straight white man over the age of 62 who has worked for the government for more than five years in a job that comes with a great salary and lots and lots of benefits. For example, we’ll say that Mitch earns $193,400 a year, gets 228 days of vacation annually, has access to a Cadillac health insurance plan at very low cost and will be able to retire with a full pension thanks to his age and years of service.

Mitch is doing quite well for himself, thank you very much.

Next, we’ll give Mitch a hypothetical wife who also works for the federal government, although she has only been in her job for a few months. We’ll call her “Elaine” and make her, say, Asian-American, just for diversity’s sake. Remarkably, Elaine is doing slightly better than Mitch, bringing in an annual salary of $199,700, meaning the two of them together earn a total salary of $393,100 a year.

Elaine could qualify for a pension when she leaves her job if she has worked in government service for at least 10 years. She also is eligible for top shelf health care coverage and, like Mitch, will still collect a whole bunch of other freebies and perks while she stays in her job.

To round out this hypothetical, we’ll say that both Mitch and Elaine have healthy bank accounts, retirement funds and investment portfolios thanks to their present and former jobs. In short, they are both wealthy Americans living the life that many of us can only dream about.

Now let’s picture Mitch and Elaine at the end of a typical day.

They both probably work pretty long hours so they might eat dinner out or bring home something from a nearby deli. Or maybe they just call home and have the French housekeeper whip up some duck à l'orange and have it waiting for them when they roll in. I can visualize Mitch loosening his tie and Elaine kicking off her shoes while they both plop down in a matched pair of really comfortable overstuffed chairs and sip on two fingers of 18-year-old Macallan Fine Oak single malt Scotch, imported direct from the United Kingdom.

“You know Elaine,” I can hear Mitch saying over the tinkle of ice cubes, “we’ve got it pretty good. We’ll never have to worry about having enough money for our basic needs or whether we can afford health care or whether we can enjoy a comfortable retirement.”

“I know, Mitch,” Elaine purrs. “Is this a great country or what?”

“It is, Elaine, but you know, I can’t stop thinking that there are millions of people out there who don’t have it nearly as good as we do,” Mitch retorts. “Many of them are really struggling to make ends meet and some don’t even have enough food to eat. There are people who are poor and others who are sick and elderly who have to choose between food and medicine just to keep themselves alive.”

“It’s so sad, Mitch,” Elaine says, “but think about this for a minute. We both work for the federal government, so isn’t there something we can do?”

“There is,” Mitch says, jumping to his feet, “and by golly, I’m going to do it! Starting tomorrow, I’m going to encourage my co-workers to do everything in their power to take away their access to affordable health insurance so that you and I – and most of our friends – can use the savings to lower our own taxes. Think about it, Elaine. We’ll have more money to spend on this house, our summer house, our winter house, our private planes and yachts, our servants, the duck we’re having for dinner and this damn fine Scotch we’ve been drinking.”

“Oh, Mitch, I knew you’d have a plan,” Elaine says. “I love you, honey. You’re the best.”

"I love you too, Elaine. Care for another drink?"

Thank heavens this story is only a hypothetical.

Right?