It’s not really self-destruction if somebody lit the fuse

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Some things that self-destruct:

* Certain kinds of land mines, naval ships and rocketboosters.

* Sigourney Weaver’s spaceship in the first “Alien” movie.

* Messages from the Mission Impossible Force to Mr. Phelps.

* Honey bees that die after they sting you.

* Dissolvable sutures.

* Patients of Dr. Jack Kevorkian.

Things that do not self-destruct:

* Obamacare.

Contrary to what you’re being told, Obamacare is not self-destructing. It may blow up some day, that’s true, and that day might come sooner than we think, but rest assured that if the Affordable Care Act does explode, it’s going to have a pair of tiny hands lighting its fuse.

Back in May, Faux President Donald J. Trump floated out one of his famous rumors, reportedly telling his advisors he wanted to pull the plug on federal subsidies that help pay premiums under the ACA. Doing so would send insurance prices soaring into the stratosphere for millions of covered Americans. For example, a woman I know pays $735 a month for her insurance and receives $660 a month in subsidies from Uncle Sam. Without the subsidy, her premium would be a ridiculous $1,395 a month.

On May 19, a White House official told CNBC that the government would continue to make subsidy payments through the end of the month, but had not made any commitment on further payments. “No final decisions have been made at this time, and all options are on the table,” the White House said.

Trump’s idea, according to Politico, was to dangle the subsidies over the heads of Senate Democrats and force them to negotiate with Republicans on a replacement plan for the ACA. In the real world, that would be called “extortion,” but in Washington it’s simply “politics.”

But wait! That wasn’t even the most nefarious part of Trump’s agenda.

Trump later said he would keep the subsidies in place for a while, but unfortunately, that news was too little and too late to stop some insurance carriers from dropping out of the Obamacare marketplace. You see, insurance companies – like the stock market – do not like uncertainty, and even the vague possibility that many of their customers could be priced out of the market has caused some of them to launch a pre-emptive strike and drop out in certain states.

Coincidence? I think not.

After the House of Representatives failed to vote on its first version of “Obamacare Repeal and Replace” back in April, it was rumored that an angry Donald Trump might try to sabotage the health insurance program and cause its premature death. What better way to do that than to discourage insurance companies from offering coverage and then blame the failure on Obamacare itself (wink wink, nod nod).

And now, to put the final strychnine icing on this arsenic cake, Trump and his pet puppy Mike Pence are flying around the country, meeting with “Obamacare victims” and making speeches that describe how Obamacare is about to self-destruct.

That’s not really what’s happening, but inventing an alternate universe is what Trump does best. As I said a few paragraphs ago, Obamacare may explode some day, but only because Donald Trump lit the fuse. I mean, even Sigourney Weaver had to pull up those big silver cylinders before the Nostromo went ka-boom.