‘That’s My Bush’ (or is it Trump?)

A couple of presidents ago there was a TV series on, I don’t know, maybe Comedy Central, called “That’s My Bush,” in which Timothy Bottoms portrayed George W. Bush, mocking the man we thought was the worst, dumbest president we had ever had.

After reading Donald Trump’s off-the-rails commencement speech at the Naval Academy this week, a thought occurred to me. Back in 2016, instead of actually running for president, Trump should have approached his buddies at NBC about doing another network series – starring himself – in which a pompous, arrogant, narcissistic president with long red ties and zero qualifications goes around the country and the world saying and doing really stupid things.

This TV president could make a series of speeches at pep rallies that attract white supremacists and other poorly educated overweight white people from mostly poor states, where he would shout inane slogans about his opponents and encourage his minions to attack members of the media who write negative stories about him. Fans could even arrive strapped with AR-15s and wearing white Klan hoods.

What a hoot!

He could fill his cabinet with corrupt and/or incompetent public officials who hate the agencies they are hired to represent. It would be even better if, while the attorney general of a state, one of them had filed a series of lawsuits against, say, the EPA, which he was now going to direct.

I tell you, this would be comedy gold.

Faux-president Trump could hold hands with foreign leaders who have military parades and wives who “look fit.” He could send letters to other leaders who possess nuclear weapons…letters that sound like they were written by a high school freshman who got stood up by her prom date...threatening annihilation unless the leader agrees to de-weaponize himself and surrender his defense against his enemies.

This “president” would refuse to show up at traditional events like the Kennedy Center Honors and the Correspondents’ Dinner because he is afraid someone there won’t like him or kiss his ring.

He would continue to campaign for office and spew the same stump speeches two years after winning the job.

He could show up to speak at major events, throw his prepared text into the air and ramble on for 45 minutes about his Electoral College numbers, the crowd at his inauguration, his “record-breaking” number of bills passed (which is actually, like, one) and how regardless of the subject matter, “no one has ever seen anything like this before in the history of our country.”

He would use Twitter like a teenager to “get the truth out” to his followers and to convey his version of reality.

After firing his advisors, he would take advice from three talking heads on a morning TV talk show, and share pillow talk with another one every night before going to bed – alone.

And, of course, every word out of his mouth would be a lie.

If this was a TV show on, say, every Sunday night right after “60 Minutes,” the ratings would go through the roof, and we know how much Trump loves ratings. He would get to play the part of the president without any of the work, aggravation, stress and disappointment of actually having the job, and he could be paid much, much more than the $400,000 a year the real president gets.

The character Trump could invite an endless stream of porn stars and Playboy bunnies to the White House for golden showers parties while the real Trump could continue to sell and promote condos, hotels and casinos all over the world without breaking any laws. It would be, for Trump, the best of all worlds.

“That’s My Bush” was pretty funny, as I recall, and recently I found the episodes that I had recorded onto on VHS tape. I’ll be transferring them to DVD today. “That’s My Trump” (or whatever it would be called) had the potential to be even funnier, I suspect. Hell, I might even have watched the show if I hadn’t been poisoned by the real person behind it. I mean, this level of stupidity -- if acted out for TV -- could be highly entertaining.  

Unfortunately, the star of my imagined TV show actually did run for president in 2016 and was elected with the help of the Russian government, a corrupt family and a bunch of fake social media accounts that swayed voters away from his opponent. He is now running the country the way his TV counterpart would have done it, and there is nothing funny about that.

Nothing. Funny. At all.