First, I read where Sarah Huckabee Sanders – who wants to be
the next governor of Arkansas – doesn’t like being called a liar. Well, I’ve
got news for you, Sarah…you lie. You lie a lot. As White House press secretary
you sat in the Oval Office for months listening to Donald Trump spew a non-stop
stream of lies and then you casually walked out to a podium and repeated them
to the working press.
To be able to do that makes you one of the world’s greatest
liars. We’re talking Greatest of All Time here, Sarah, or at least runner-up to
your former boss. You’re either a world class liar or you’re too stupid to know
you were lying. In either case, you were colossally unqualified for the job you
previously held, and now you believe you’re qualified to be the governor of a
state. Why? Because your father did it first?
That’s some resume, Sarah. “I want to be your next governor
because my daddy did it once and because I’m a top notch liar. Please vote for
me.” Good luck with that campaign. (Of
course, it is Arkansas, so there’s
that.)
Second, I see where Rick Perry thinks Donald Trump is the
chosen one. This is the same Rick Perry who was governor of Texas, taking the
place of another Republican thought to be the dumbest governor in history until
Perry came along. This is the same Rick Perry who, as a candidate for
president, wanted to abolish the Department of Energy, except that he couldn’t
remember what it was called, and then became its secretary under the current
administration.
So Perry now believes that Donald J. Trump – a shallow,
childish, narcissistic, misogynistic, xenophobic, racist con man tax evading
sexual predator who’s also a pathological liar with dangerous, Fascist-inspired
ideas and a probable mental illness – is exactly the man that god would select to
lead the greatest nation on earth.
Right, Rick. Now please go back on your meds.
I have to admit that in one way, I agree with Rick Perry.
Donald Trump is a chosen one, alright.
He was chosen by Vladimir Putin to help destroy America so that Putin and his
Russian buddies can rebuild the old Soviet Union while tearing down NATO, the United
Nations, the European Alliance, Western democracy and everything that is good
about the world.
Is that what you meant, Rick? Or did you mean he was chosen
by Satan to be the anti-christ? I could see it going either way.
And finally, I read where Devin Nunes, the fake farmer from
California whose fake farm is actually located in Iowa and who is suing a fake
cow that hurt his feelings on Twitter, is refusing to talk to CNN about reports
that he’s knee-deep in this Ukraine bribery scandal while at the same time
trying to protect Donald Trump from impeachment as a member of the House
Intelligence Committee.
His exact words to CNN
were, “I don't talk to you in this lifetime or the next lifetime. At any time. On
any question.”
When I read that, my first thought was, “I wish Devin Nunes
would just stop talking altogether.” The sound of his voice makes me want to
hurt someone, or at least start drinking heavily.
My second thought was, “This should make it easy for CNN to
cover this scandal. They can report anything they want about Nunes and just
throw in his quote at the end.
And my third thought was, “Why are so many innocent people
refusing to hand over documents, testify under oath and talk to inquiring
reporters?” That seems counterintuitive to me. If I were being charged with
something I didn’t do and I had documents to prove it, I’d hold a press
conference on the courthouse steps before heading over to Kinkos to make a few thousand
copies to hand out on the street.
(Does Kinkos even exist?)
As one former federal prosecutor said recently on TV, “No
one prevents a witness who can exonerate them from testifying.” Just like no
one who used to lie for a living should be surprised that people call her a
liar, or someone too stupid to know the name of the department he’s in charge
of should pretend to have a direct line to god, or someone with nothing to hide
should go so far out of his way to hide it.
I used to be amazed every time I heard someone say this kind of nonsense out loud in public. I’m no longer amazed, but I still refuse to accept it as the new normal.
So take that, Sarah Sanders. Go home and get your shine box, Rick Perry. And stuff that in your turkey, Devin Nunes. I hope the imaginary cow
drives you literally insane.
